Any good jokes?

[redeagle]

I saw this on another forum and just had to post here. Feel free to post other jokes if you have a good one.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

[Tenzing_Norgay]

Q: What do an OBGYN and a pizza delivery person have in common?

A: They can both smell it, but they can't taste it...

[NorincoKid]

What’s the difference between a chest freezer full of dead hookers and a brand new BMW?

I don’t have a BMW in my garage...

[redeagle]

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

If we don't get some support soon people are going
to think we're nuts.

[Jeepsnguns]

What's the between vitamins and hormones?

You cant hear a vitamin.

[Jeepsnguns]

What not to name your dog.

Everybody who has a dog calls him "rover" or "boy". I call mine "sex".

Now, sex has been very embarrassing to me, when I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too". Then I said, "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. "I've had sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid!

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked my why I was standing there looking around, I told him I had planned to have sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand." I said. "I had hoped to have sex on TV." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married, sex left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night, sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 O'clock on the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for sex."

My case comes up friday...

[TC6969]

Little boy comes home from school and says "MOM! I just had sex with my teacher!"

Mom freaks and sends him to his room with a stern "Wait until your Father gets home!"

So Dad gets home, and Mom tells him what happened and to go upstairs and straighten the boy out.

Dad goes upstairs and closes and locks the door.

He says Son, "don't ever let your Mother find out that I said this, but, Good Job Kid! That sounds just like something I would have done at your age!"

"So tell me, do you think you'll get a chance to do it again?"

"I don't know Dad, my ass is REALLY sore!"

[osprey21]

Chinese man rings boss “me no work I sick” boss says “when I'm sick I f#ck my wife try that”

2 hours later....

Chinese man rings back “me better, you got nice house.

[Wulfmann]

Old Jewish couple at the doctor (Hear everything in a Jewish accent)

The doctors says "I figured out what is wrong with your wife"
Great says Sid, what?
"She needs more sex, she is not getting enough sex so I am making a schedule
Monday's Wednesdays and Fridays"

Sid says "Good, put me down for Wednesday"

[Sundayknight]

4 cows were smoking pot and playing poker.
The steaks were high.