Florida Shooters Network

This is one to tell the ladies at the water cooler:

Q: What's the difference between your husband and your veterinarian?

A: After 18 years, your vet is still happy to see your pussy...

A grandfather walks out of the house and sees his grandson trying to put a worm he pulled out of an apple back into the same hole. The granddad asks his grandson what he's doing.

The little boy says, granddaddy I'm trying put this worm back into it's hole. The granddad said son you can't do that because it's too limp. It will not go Into the hole. The little boy shouts I can get it in. At which the granddad says to the little boy. I'll give you 5.00 dollars if you can do it. Grandson says OK and disappeared into the house.

About 15 minutes later the grandson comes walking out of house sliding the worm back into the hole on the Apple.

Granddad hand the little boy his five dollars and ask. Son how'd you do that. The little boy says, granddad I took the worm stretched it out and sprayed it with grandma's super stiff hair spray and it got hard so I could stick it into the hole. Ok replies the granddad.

About an hour later as the little boy is going into the house he runs into his granddad coming out. The granddad hands the little boy 20.00 dollars. The grandson looks at his granddad confused and asks. Granddad what's this for.

The granddad smiles and says, this is from your grandmother.

A couple days ago, I pulled up to the bar and ordered a large glass of less.
The bartender said, "What's less?"
I said I don't know but my doctor said I should drink less.

A priest delivers a sermon on alcoholism. He holds up a glass of water and a worm and says: "Now watch what happens when I drop this worm into this glass of water." He does so, and the worm swims happily in the water. He holds up another glass and another worm. "Now watch what happens when I drop a worm into a glass of whiskey." He does so, and the worm shrivels up and dies. The priest fixes his congregation with a stern look and says: "Do you see how evil alcohol is, what it will do to your insides if you continue drinking?" And a man in front row holds up his hand and says, "Father, do you have any more of that whiskey? I have worms."

A Russian citizen works hard for 20 years and finally saves up enough money to buy a new car. He goes to the dealer, orders a car and hands over his $$$. The car salesman says "OK, we'll let you know when it's ready. Should be about 10 years".

Customer asks "Can we make the delivery in the afternoon?"

Salesman replies "What does it matter...it's 10 years from now?!"

Customer responds "Well..I have a plumber coming in the morning".

Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open, so...


he took it back the next day for a refund.