FSN Joke Thread

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[Skoll]

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush.

They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi Ambassador says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do.

The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in 'Star Trek.'"

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi, and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...."

[Miami_JBT]

[photohause]

His name was Bubba, he was from South Carolina ... And he needed a loan,



So...He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000; and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.



The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.



An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from Clemson University, a highly sophisticated investor and
Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

His name was BUBBA....

Keep an eye on those southern boys!

Just because they talk funny does not mean that they are stupid.

[TC6969]

Little boy comes home from school and tells his Mom,"MOM! I had sex with my teacher!"

Mom freaks out and send him up to his room to "Wait until your Father gets home!"

Dad comes home and goes up to the kids bedroom and says, "Your Mother says you had sex with your teacher!"

Kid admits it and Dad looks around to make sure the door is closed and says, "Don't tell your Mother but GOOD JOB SON! That sounds just like something I would have done when I was your age!"

"Tell me junior, do you think you'll get a chance to do it again?"



"I dont know Dad, my ass is REALLY sore!"

[gforester]

Johnny had just scored a date with Suzy, the hottest chick in school that was known to put out. To prepare for his big date he ran out to the local pharmacy to pick up some condoms. When he got to the pharmacy he asked the pharmacist for condoms.
“How many?” the pharmacist asked.
“Better make it about ten” Johnny answered,
Laughing the pharmacist hands them to Johnny and asks “What are going to do with them sonny, you gonna use them for ballons?”
“No sir” replied Johnny “I have a date with the biggest slut in school and I intend to use all of them tonight.”
The pharmacist chuckled and says “have a great time sonny”
Johnny goes home with his purchase and gives Suzy a call and tells her he is coming by to pick her up.
Suzy says “Okay I am ready, but my parents want you to come inside and have dinner with us first so they know what sort of boy you are”
Johnny says “sure no problem, I will be right over”
When Johnny gets to Suzy’s house he walks in and she leads him to the dining room where he sits down with her mom and dad.
Suzy’s dad says “before we eat we must say grace”
Johnny says “please let me say grace for us” and Suzy's dad says "okay you go ahead."
Johnny then goes on to give a very long and impassioned prayer for grace, crossing his chest several times before saying Amen.
Suzy leans over and whispers to Johnny “gee Johnny I didn’t know you were so religious”
Johnny whispers to Suzy “yeah, and I didn’t know your dad ran the local pharmacy either"

[Skoll]

There were three guys in Hell - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man. They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is local."

[TC6969]

NUDE BEACH ....... !!!

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger

than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother

that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:

'Daddy is talking to the
silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

[flcracker]

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.

The Yellow Labrador turned to the Black Labrador and said, " So why are you here?

"I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids.

But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The Yellow Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do? "

" Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the Black Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."

The Black Lab then turned to the Yellow Lab and asked " Why are you here? "

The Yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in owner's couch."

" So what are they going to do to you? " the Black Lab inquired.

" Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Yellow Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, " Why are you here?"

" I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see."

Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself.

I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, " So, it's nuts off for you too, huh ?”

The Great Dane said, “ No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

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